Living with herpes

                    Living with herpes

 

Finding out you have herpes can be difficult, but it is not the end of the world. Millions of people living with herpes have wonderful lives and relationships.

What do I do if I find out I have herpes?

Finding out that you have herpes can be a serious blow. At first, you may feel desperate, bewildered, embarrassed, or angry. As time goes by, you will feel better and you will see that having herpes is not that bad either. People with herpes are in relationships and live completely normal lives. There are herpes treatments to make sure you don't pass the infection on to the people you have sex with.

There are millions and millions of people with herpes; no way are you alone. Most people contract at least one sexually transmitted disease (STD) in their lifetime, and having herpes or another STD is not embarrassing or unworthy. It does not mean that you are a "dirty" or bad person; it means that you are a normal human being who contracted a very common infection. The reality is that anyone who has ever kissed the lips or had sex can get herpes. That's a LOT of people.

Herpes is not a deadly disease, and it usually does not cause serious health problems. While all herpes outbreaks can be annoying and painful, the first is usually the worst. In many cases, the outbreaks are more and more sporadic as time passes and can even disappear completely. Although the virus remains in your body for life, this does not mean that you have sores all the time.

The best thing to do when you find out you have herpes is to follow your doctor's instructions to treat it. If you find it difficult to cope with this new situation, you may feel better after talking with a good friend or a support group for people with herpes.

You should tell everyone you have sex with that you have herpes. It is not an easy conversation, but it is important. Here are some suggestions:

How do I tell others that I have herpes?

It may scare you to admit you have herpes, but talking will surely help. You can lean on a good friend who does not judge you and who you trust to keep what they talk to you. Parents, siblings, uncles, and other family members can also be a source of support. Remember that herpes is very common, so the person you are talking to may have it too.

There are many online support groups for people with herpes; The American Sexual Health Association offers a list of support groups that meet in person.

What should I know about having a romantic life if I have herpes?

Some people, upon learning that they have herpes, feel that their love life is over, but it is not. People with herpes can have romantic and sexual relationships with other people with herpes or with partners who are not infected.

Sexually transmitted diseases are not the best topic of conversation, but it is extremely important that you always tell your partners that you have herpes in order to prevent contagion.

There is no one way to talk about an STD, but we will give you some basic tips that will help you.

Keep calm and go ahead. Millions of people have herpes and many of them have a partner. For most couples, herpes is not a big problem. Try to enter the conversation with a calm and positive attitude. Having herpes is simply a matter of health, it says nothing about you as a person.

Don't speak to yourself, involve the other person in the conversation. Remember that STDs are very common, so ... who knows? Maybe your partner has herpes too. So you can start by asking her if she has ever had any tests or if she has already had an STD.

Get informed. There is a lot of misinformation about herpes. So, educate yourself and prepare to be clear when speaking. Tell your partner that there are ways to treat herpes and to prevent its transmission during sexual intercourse.

Find the right moment. Pick a distraction-free time when you can't be interrupted, and find a private, relaxed place. If you are nervous, you can talk to a friend first or practice talking to yourself. It may sound strange, but practicing out loud can help you know what you want to say and gain confidence when you need to talk to your partner.

Safety first. If you are afraid that your partner will attack you, it may be dangerous to tell them in person. It may be best to let them know by phone, email, or text, or in extreme cases, you may not say anything. Call 1-800-799-SAFE or visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline website for help if you think you may be in danger.

So when should you tell someone you start dating that you have herpes? It may not be necessary to tell them the first time you go out, but you should tell them before you have sex. A good time may be when the relationship begins to move in that direction and you perceive that you can trust the person.

It's normal to worry about your partner's reaction. And there is no turning around: some people are very scared. If that happens, try to stay calm and talk about different ways to prevent the spread of herpes. You may need to give her a little time and space to process the news; It is normal. Also, most people know that herpes is very common and is not a big problem.

Avoid playing accusations when talking to your partner. If one of you has a herpes outbreak for the first time during the relationship, it does not necessarily mean that there was infidelity. Herpes symptoms can appear days, weeks, months, and even years after infection. Therefore, it is often difficult to determine when and where the infection was contracted. The most important thing is that you both get tested. If only one of you is found to have herpes, learn how to avoid spreading the infection.

Also let your exes know so they can get tested.

Will having herpes affect my pregnancy?

If you have had genital herpes for a while and become pregnant, you most likely don't have to worry; you are unlikely to pass herpes to your baby at birth. However, you should tell your doctor that you have genital herpes if you are pregnant.

If you get herpes while pregnant, it is much more dangerous, especially in the last months of pregnancy, as it can cause a miscarriage or premature delivery. If you pass herpes to your baby during delivery, there may be brain damage or eye problems. If you have herpes sores at the time of delivery, your doctor may suggest a cesarean section to avoid transmitting the virus to the baby during delivery.

If your partner has herpes and you don't, do not have unprotected vaginal, anal, or oral sex while you are pregnant, as this is the most common route of transmission of herpes. Your doctor may ask your partner to take antiherpetic medications during pregnancy so that they are less likely to pass the virus to you. Take a look at "How to Avoid Herpes" to learn more about how to avoid contagion.

Oral herpes is not dangerous during pregnancy or delivery. However, if you have sores after giving birth, do not kiss your baby until they are fully healed.